1 SHAMASH.ORG /usr/www/wwwhc/listserv/archives/scj-parenting November 2001 2 36 54_[SCJ-PARENTING:6548] Re: Megan's thoughts on Christmas4_DRUM17_evad@voicenet.com28_Thu, 1 Nov 2001 12:33:13 EST616_-

> > I hope this helps. > > Jennifer M. Paquette

thanks, Jennifer. It does.

Megan



============================================================================== This post reflects the author's opinion; the moderators' opinions may differ. Posters seeking medical or halachic information should consult competent authorities in those fields.

ACKs are handled by an autoresponder. Munged From:/Reply-To: means no ACKs. Use "X-Ack-To: address" to redirect ACKs; it won't show up in the final post. Use "X-Ack-To: none" to suppress Acks. "X-Ack-To:" goes on a line by itself. 39 43 35_[SCJ-PARENTING:6549] Hanukkah gifts10_Pianocat8818_pianocat88@aol.com29_Sat, 17 Nov 2001 08:43:03 EST352_- HI All-

I have encouraged my son's materialism by giving a present every night after lighting the candles.

I'm hoping now that he's nine, to maybe get it down to only giving one or two nicer gifts instead of one big one and seven small things.

Any suggestions on how to break it to him? Stories of gift giving and the like? [...] 83 43 41_[SCJ-PARENTING:6550] Need advice re: Bris8_Debbie R16_nospam@yahoo.com29_Sat, 17 Nov 2001 18:32:01 EST275_- We are expecting a baby boy in January. We are planning on having the circumcision done at the hospital shortly after the birth. We'd still like to have a ceremony at home on the 8th day in order to celebrate the birth with family and to give our son his Hebrew name. [...] 127 45 46_[SCJ-PARENTING:6551] Time to sell the chazerai10_animzmirot19_animzmirot@home.com29_Sat, 17 Nov 2001 18:32:03 EST572_- For you guys who have kids in the public schools, how do you deal with the inevitable "holiday" fundraiser, you know, the catalog that comes home with your kid that has 25 pages of cute little snowmen and reindeer and some angels and candycanes, all very 'secular' meaning there are no creche items? My child came home with this catalog, all gung ho to sell as much as possible in order to earn the particularly pathetic 'prizes'. All our friends are Jewish. There were two, yes two, items in the entire catalog for Jewish people. FLat assorted wrapping paper, and [...] 173 88 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6553] Re: Need advice re: Bris19_Alexandra J Schmidt28_aschmidt@gematria.crd.ge.com29_Mon, 19 Nov 2001 13:46:21 EST315_-

Debbie R writes:

> We are expecting a baby boy in January. We are planning on having the > circumcision done at the hospital shortly after the birth. We'd still like > to have a ceremony at home on the 8th day in order to celebrate the birth > with family and to give our son his Hebrew name. [...] 262 58 64_[SCJ-PARENTING:6554] Hanukkah gifts: materialism vs selflessness6_Jfer P17_j3fer@hotmail.com29_Mon, 19 Nov 2001 20:14:46 EST528_- Lisa wrote: "I have encouraged my son's (9) materialism by giving a present every night after lighting the candles."

Oy! I'm not sure I've ever heard a Jewish parent "encouraging materialism"... usually we try to encourage finer values like tikkun olam.

In terms of how to "break it to him," it will certainly be a shock if you say outright "from now on, we're going to do the right thing." It may be a shock, but -- do it anyway. Admit that the "gift-a-night" habit was a mistake, and then FOLLOW THROUGH. [...] 321 71 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6555] Re: Need advice re: Bris15_Hillary Israeli19_hillary@hillary.net29_Mon, 19 Nov 2001 20:19:29 EST426_- In <200111191437.fAJEbci20220@gematria.crd.ge.com>, Alexandra J Schmidt wrote:

* *Debbie R writes: * *> We are expecting a baby boy in January. We are planning on having the *> circumcision done at the hospital shortly after the birth. We'd still like *> to have a ceremony at home on the 8th day in order to celebrate the birth *> with family and to give our son his Hebrew name. [...] 393 41 34_[SCJ-PARENTING:6556] chazerai sale19_Alexandra J Schmidt28_aschmidt@gematria.crd.ge.com29_Tue, 20 Nov 2001 09:42:43 EST574_-

Re: Marjorie's question about the wrapping paper sale--

I suppose that I would work on impressing on the child that the prizes are junky. However, if the child wanted to sell some of the stuff anyhow, I would also encourage the child to buy some (or you could) and then donate it to a local organization that provides holiday meals=20 and gifts for those in need. They are often in need of wrapping=20 paper for donated gifts. That way you can do some tzedakah & communicate to the child the importance of being a caring community member in the larger [...] 435 81 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6557] Re: Need advice re: Bris10_animzmirot19_animzmirot@home.com29_Tue, 20 Nov 2001 10:44:48 EST617_-

"Hillary Israeli" wrote in message news:slrn9vj1dk.3d2.hillary@manx.misty.com... > In <200111191437.fAJEbci20220@gematria.crd.ge.com>, > Alexandra J Schmidt wrote: > > * > *Debbie R writes: > * > *> We are expecting a baby boy in January. We are planning on having the > *> circumcision done at the hospital shortly after the birth. We'd still like > *> to have a ceremony at home on the 8th day in order to celebrate the birth > *> with family and to give our son his Hebrew name. > > Debbie, forgive me if I'm being rude here, but may I ask *why* [...] 517 66 68_[SCJ-PARENTING:6558] Re: Hanukkah gifts: materialism vs selflessness10_Pianocat8818_pianocat88@aol.com29_Tue, 20 Nov 2001 12:41:31 EST336_- I left out alot of information when I just mentioned my son's materialism..= . only a slice of the picture. He's a very bright boy with a big heart. He = and I have volunteered at the local food bank, he makes give-away bags of old = stuff to send on to other kids, he brings his donation for the tzadakah box at = Torah school. [...] 584 38 68_[SCJ-PARENTING:6559] Re: Hanukkah gifts: materialism vs selflessness8_Splanche16_splanche@aol.com29_Tue, 20 Nov 2001 14:17:34 EST527_- Just because we do 8 presents in my family doesn't mean they are very big ones. We usually give the kids one or two "decent" presents, like toys, and the other days they get very minor things. My DD enjoys the little things too. This year, I already have a beanie baby for one night, a calendar made from black paper (for Gel Pens) that I picked up at the Dollar Store for another, and a pack of Monsters, Inc. underwear for another. I find it a good opportunity to get the kids things that I probably would have gotten [...] 623 53 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6561] Re: Need advice re: Bris7_Barbara21_mom_2_one@hotmail.com29_Wed, 21 Nov 2001 07:26:15 EST430_- While this may not apply to the OP, I would hate to leave this without response, as it may be misleading to others in the future.

Many mohels will perform a bris without charge for people who genuinely cannot afford their services. I recently saw a mohel more or less sneak away after a bris where he was aware that the single mother had no money, in order not to embarrass her or her family. I doubt he was unique. [...] 677 64 50_[SCJ-PARENTING:6563] Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 155817_Daniel S. Schultz18_danschul@umich.edu29_Wed, 21 Nov 2001 09:51:28 EST618_- Re: Bris.

Insurance often does not cover an in-hospital circumcision.

For both of my sons I elected to have a mohel do the brit partially because as a physician trained in this area, I know that at our local hospitals, which are teaching hospitals, often the person of lowest rank, with the least experience (the medical student) performs the circumcision. If you elect to have an in-hospital circumcision, you should insist to know who will perform it and how much experience that person has. Mohels are true experts at the procedure and dealing with the family, especially mother. This argument [...] 742 40 75_[SCJ-PARENTING:6565] figuring out the date and readings for bar/bat mitzvah12_Seth Rogovoy21_rogovoy@berkshire.net29_Thu, 22 Nov 2001 18:13:06 EST312_- Although my daughter doesn't turn 11 until next spring, she is very eager to start learning her Bat Mitzvah parsha and haftarah.

How does one figure out which ones they are? SHould they correspond to the secular calendar birthday, i.e., whatever the parsha is on the Shabbat after she turns 12, OR [...] 783 29 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6566] Re: Need advice re: Bris12_Debbi Kulick17_daffymom@home.com29_Thu, 22 Nov 2001 23:17:13 EST481_- My son was born quite sick. We knew about the problems from the time I was 16 1/2 weeks pregnant. He had to have surgery the day he was born. At that time I also had him circumcisced (I am a Reform Jew) I figured it you are going to hurt from abdominal surgery, might as well make it hurt all at once-- painkillers for one would work for the other. I talked to the Rabbi about a baby naming for him to be held at a later date. He agreed with me. As it turned out, had I not [...] 813 59 69_[SCJ-PARENTING:6567] Jewish kids, Christian family - Christmas Issues5_Craig20_craig_burns@wgbh.org29_Thu, 22 Nov 2001 23:42:03 EST645_- **************************************** MODERATOR'S NOTE: Please note that this poster is asking for guidance in raising his Jewish children -- responses should address this question ONLY. Responses offering suggestions that seem to mix the two faiths should be addressed to the poster directly. ****************************************

I'm having an issue this Christmas. I was raised Catholic and married a Jewish woman. We're raising our kids Jewish. We have a very bright 3 1/2 year old boy and a second boy on the way. Last year we sort of let things slide and did Christmas with my parents. But this year my wife is adamant [...] 873 77 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6568] Re: Need advice re: Bris15_Fred Rosenblatt15_fredr5@juno.com29_Thu, 22 Nov 2001 23:46:55 EST657_- In article , hillary@hillary.net (Hillary Israeli) wrote:

>In <200111191437.fAJEbci20220@gematria.crd.ge.com>, >Alexandra J Schmidt wrote: > >* >*Debbie R writes: >* >*> We are expecting a baby boy in January. We are planning on having the >*> circumcision done at the hospital shortly after the birth. We'd still like >*> to have a ceremony at home on the 8th day in order to celebrate the birth >*> with family and to give our son his Hebrew name. > >Debbie, forgive me if I'm being rude here, but may I ask *why* you plan to >have the circumcision done in the hospital? [...] 951 67 50_[SCJ-PARENTING:6569] Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 15590_20_bdlerner@JTSA.EDU=2029_Fri, 23 Nov 2001 08:48:16 EST529_- Dear Friends,

In addition to very kindly mohalim who believe in the mitzvah, many of us Rabbis are also sensitive to those who want to fulfill the mitzvah and can't afford a mohel. Just call us, if you can, and we will take care of speaking with a mohel about a brit milah in a home which is not having a large party - just immediate family for the mitzvah, some sponge cake and wine. They understand and will work with you and no need for anyone to have to leave you feeling embarrassed. In my history, I also try [...] 1019 59 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6570] Re: Need advice re: Bris15_Hillary Israeli19_hillary@Hillary.net29_Fri, 23 Nov 2001 11:22:19 EST599_- In , animzmirot wrote:

*While I personally agree that a bris should be held, there are reasons *people choose not to. One is cost, which despite what people claim, is quite *high for a mohel and the simcha food and drink.

Really? That's interesting. I know that our mohel didn't even tell us how much to pay him. We were supposed to pay whatever we were comfortable with. We asked some other families with boys how much they'd paied and we paid similarly, but he would have taken less if we'd given less. [...] 1079 33 50_[SCJ-PARENTING:6572] Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 156022_Rabbi Richard Schachet16_lvrabbi@lvcm.com29_Sat, 24 Nov 2001 17:59:50 EST552_- Check with your Rabbi. I usually look at a Jewish calendar or go to "K'luach on the internet and figure it out.

If you have problems give me herbirthday (including year and I can give you the Hebrew date and the English date for the year of the bat mitzvah.



============================================================================== This post reflects the author's opinion; the moderators' opinions may differ. Posters seeking medical or halachic information should consult competent authorities in those fields. [...] 1113 72 50_[SCJ-PARENTING:6575] Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 15600_16_DKerzner@aol.com29_Sun, 25 Nov 2001 05:55:04 EST421_- Hi! I can understand your discomfort and that of your parents. We want to share traditions and values that are important to us with our children and especially with our grandchildren who are our legacy (my mother's explanation to me). On the other ha nd, you want to make sure that your children have a firm grasp of who they are, of their tradition which, in this case, you and your wife agreed would be Judaism. [...] 1186 97 50_[SCJ-PARENTING:6576] Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 15600_19_DKerzner@aol.com=2029_Mon, 26 Nov 2001 08:58:16 EST434_- Hi! I can understand your discomfort and that of your parents. We want = to share traditions and values that are important to us with our children = and especially with our grandchildren who are our legacy (my mother's = explanation to me). On the other hand, you want to make sure that your = children have a firm grasp of who they are, of their tradition which, in = this case, you and your wife agreed would be Judaism. =20 [...] 1284 101 47_[SCJ-PARENTING:6578] Another Christmas question0_17_HippieMa1@aol.com29_Mon, 26 Nov 2001 09:52:08 EST707_-

--part1_136.537002a.2933a6d3_boundary Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

I've been lurking for the last month or so and have really enjoyed the dialogue, especially the respectful tone you take with one another. I'm writing in hopes that you can offer me some of the same kind words of wisdom.

Background: I converted a decade ago. My husband grew up non-observant amidst a culturally Jewish community. Now we are both liberal-egalitarian observant, and our Judaism is strengthened daily as we see how meaningful it is to our two-and-a-half year old son Abraham. His pretend play revolves around Shabbat, he sings zemirot and blessings [...] 1386 48 32_[SCJ-PARENTING:6579] Girl Scouts7_DREIMAN23_m4fab4@worldnet.att.net29_Mon, 26 Nov 2001 10:40:39 EST588_- Hello all, We are a "border-line" conservative-reform family (if there is such a thing!). We have a 9 year old daughter who has recently joined the Girl Scouts. She also is active in our synagogue and attends the religious school. She attends a public school for her secular education.

The question: Should she be allowed to participate in the "Holiday Program" that her Girl Scout troup will be presenting at our local mall. Her troup leader has asked me to come in and teach the girls Chanukkah songs, so that they can "perform a selection of Jewish songs while Christmas [...] 1435 303 47_[SCJ-PARENTING:6580] 83 websites about Chanukah13_Jacob Richman17_jrichman@jr.co.il29_Tue, 27 Nov 2001 09:19:18 EST657_- Hi Everyone!

Chanukah, the Jewish Festival of Lights, is observed for=20 eight days, beginning on the evening of the 25th day of=20 the Hebrew month of Kislev. This year Chanukah starts=20 at sundown, Sunday, December 9th, 2001 and lasts for=20 eight days thru Monday, December 17th, 2001.=20 Chanukah is a wonderful holiday of renewed dedication,=20 faith, hope and spiritual light. It's a holiday that says:=20 "Never lose hope."=20 Chanukah commemorates the victory of a small band=20 of Maccabees over the pagan Syrian-Greeks who ruled=20 over Israel.=20 Below are 83 websites about Chanukah, ranging from laws=20 and customs to games and [...] 1739 114 50_[SCJ-PARENTING:6582] Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 15640_17_bdlerner@JTSA.EDU29_Tue, 27 Nov 2001 17:26:42 EST401_- Dear Friends,

I've started to write this note several times and then deleted it, for fear it would offend one or the other of the couple. I've decided to share my observation for the sake of the children.

When the Jewish children are provided a Jewish family environment on a regular basis of Shabbat, Festivals, synagogue attendance in special services or the regular sanctuary; [...] 1854 52 50_[SCJ-PARENTING:6584] Re: SCJ-PARENTING digest 15640_19_DKerzner@aol.com=2029_Wed, 28 Nov 2001 09:10:56 EST337_- Ah, Christmas! OY! =20 I think our biggest worry with this holiday is that the commercialism and = holiday fun will overwhelm our children and make them reject Judaism. = Those of us in interfaith families also have to deal with maintaining = relationships with those we love while strengthening our children's Jewish = identity. [...] 1907 34 51_[SCJ-PARENTING:6585] Kinneret Day School, Bronx, NY7_Barbara21_mom_2_one@hotmail.com29_Wed, 28 Nov 2001 10:03:10 EST367_- I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has sent a child to Kinneret Day School in the Bronx. We are considering sending our child to Kinneret beginning in the fall of 2002, but only know one or two families at the school. I presume that any references provided by the school itself will be glowing, and would prefer to hear from a broader range of people. [...] 1942 40 38_[SCJ-PARENTING:6586] Chanukia question6_Lauren33_richard@the-third.freeserve.co.uk29_Wed, 28 Nov 2001 23:59:28 EST418_- My parents bought us a Chanukia when my daughter was born - a Winnie the Pooh one. Its really cute - has all the favourite characters - except Piglet.

My mother claims that this is a mistake, or that he fell off - I think it was done deliberately so no-one would be offended by the pig - my daughter went and got an appropriate sized Piglet from her toybox, and we have glued him on - but am I right ??? [...] 1983 84 36_[SCJ-PARENTING:6587] Re: Girl Scouts15_Irene Bleiweiss16_IBLEIWEI@fcc.gov29_Thu, 29 Nov 2001 09:34:51 EST334_- Dear M. Rosenblit, Like you, our Jewish family doesn't fit clearly into any one particular = form of Judaism. (Liberal Jewish movements view our family as ultra-observa= nt, while traditional Jewish shuls would consider us unobservant in many = ways). So don't take the following as anything more than my individual = opinion. [...] 2068 68 42_[SCJ-PARENTING:6589] Re: Chanukia question6_Jfer P17_j3fer@hotmail.com29_Thu, 29 Nov 2001 20:04:02 EST538_- Lauren asked:

>done deliberately so no-one would be offended by the pig... >Would anyone be upset by poor little Piglet ?? He'd be mortified !

Can't speak for everybody, but it doesn't offend ME!!!

Seriously, while there ARE some Jews (perhaps most commonly, Lubavitch), who don't let their kids have or play with representations of non-kosher animals, most are fairly laissez-faire about this, the rationale being that they're going to have to learn *sometime* that you don't/can't eat everything they see... [...] 2137 137 45_[SCJ-PARENTING:6590] Re: Need advice re: Bris12_Debbi Kulick17_daffymom@home.com29_Fri, 30 Nov 2001 14:48:24 EST481_- My son was born quite sick. We knew about the problems from the time I was 16 1/2 weeks pregnant. He had to have surgery the day he was born. At that time I also had him circumcisced (I am a Reform Jew) I figured it you are going to hurt from abdominal surgery, might as well make it hurt all at once-- painkillers for one would work for the other. I talked to the Rabbi about a baby naming for him to be held at a later date. He agreed with me. As it turned out, had I not [...]